Two Things I Learned Last Week.....part 1.

Last week was an eventful week in our home.  Our little girl got terribly sick and had to be hospitalized.  There is no worse feeling in the world then watching your child be that sick and you can do nothing about it.  I felt so helpless and useless as a mother.  I had to try and comfort a toddler, who did not understand what was happening to her.  As Doctors and nurses worked on her, to get an IV in, to take blood, and try to make her better. 
And as I have been able to think through the events of last week I thought, how often have I let God feel like a helpless Father.  How often have we walked through life, thinking I got this.  How often have we walked through life, thinking I know He is there, I will call on Him when I need Him.  Life is a journey we are walking through and sometimes I choose to walk through it without my ultimate guide.  As He watches and prays over me, as I make choice, after choice, never pausing to consider what is right or noble.  Helpless Father.
One thing I was doing last week was that I was consistently in prayer over my daughter because I was scared.  But why am I not consistently in prayer with my heavenly Father?  I do not want to make Him feel like I did last week.  I want to be in a relationship where I am trusting Him, as my FATHER, not just when I am fearful and scared. 
When we brought her home from the hospital I stumbled upon this verse, Exodus 14: 13-14,
¹³ Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” This is not the first time the BE STILL theme has played out in my life.  But the part that got me this time was, The LORD will fight for you....let that sink in.
He is fighting for me, all I have to do is include Him and not make Him feel like a helpless Father.

Our Testimony we shared at church on October 6th

        Our adoption journey started in October 2009. We were faced with a life decision. We had recently found out that we will not be able to have a child naturally to our family. Our options were limited but we did have options, well two. We can meet with specialist or adoption. Both were very difficult for us to process and both had positives. We were in the shock but needed to move toward a decision in order to start the process with specialist.  We went into the appointment with an open mind (as open as we possibly could be) knowing that we were willing to take certain steps to procure a family. The appointment started off good with the doctor noting that the report from our local doctor was not as grim as original described, which boosted our spirits. We discussed our medical history and therapy options that would work for our situation. We spoke about the option we had in depth, yes we said "option". In most cases couples have several options however, we only have one. It is quite difficult to know why we found ourselves in this position or even why God would put this decision in front of us. This had been the hardest decision of our lives. The fact is that this decision is part of the path, part of the plan, set forth by God before we were ever born. How awesome it is to know that God is in control! This gives us peace. We had discussed before the appointment that we would rather adopt then go through an expensive and uncertain procedure.  It was at that point that our journey began.

            So, we started the process of looking for a respectable adoption agency. We started this journey with one agency and ended up at Lutheran Social Services.  We met initial with our social worker in the summer of 2011.We were hopeful that our little one was just around the corner but God had other plans. We started this journey with a verse we felt God had led us to: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. We had hope but were beginning to wonder if plans we were pursuing were the ones He had for us.  We were walking a path that was dry and desolate.  We were sucking up every drop of nutrients we can find for our souls and some days we still felt malnourished.  So, as we waited, we wondered what God truly has in store for us.  We prayed and sought His guidance.  We had renewed our home study last October and were trying to decide what we would do that next October. So, because of the hurt and the pain the uncertainty this journey was causing we decided not to renew in October 2013.
            Then in March of this year, our church family caught wind of our decision and decided to earnestly pray for us. Those prayers were heard by God and the prayers bought little God moments to us, here are some Mandy blogged about some in May of this year.  She wrote; “This week has been a series of little messages from God.  First, off in of my devotions this week, when I was having a particularly hard time, The Solo devotional had me read Isaiah 54.  If you don't know it, the first verse of this chapter is;

“Sing, barren woman,

    you who never bore a child;

burst into song, shout for joy,

    you who were never in labor;

because more are the children of the desolate woman

    than of her who has a husband,”

says the Lord.

So...what do you say after that.  I just spent the morning having a very candid conversation with God about our journey and how I felt it was going.  I then sit down to do my devotions and pray that God would give me some way of breaking free from the fog I was walking through.  Ask and you shall receive, right?!  Then awhile back I prayed about blogging the song "Worn".  It is a powerful song that I feel really describes where Matt and I are emotionally.  So, I prayed that if I ever heard the song twice on the way to work I would know that I was supposed to blog it.  Bringing us to yesterday morning, I was on the way to work listening to the radio, I usually will flip between three local Christian channels, I don't like commercials. So, I was flipping through them and I stop on WBCL, who was playing "Worn".  They then went to a commercial and I flipped to The Pulse, who you guessed it, was playing "Worn".  Because I found this to be a little overwhelming, I turned off the radio for a little while and sat silent in God's presence.  I decided to turn it back on and The Pulse was on a commercial so I flipped it to WFRN, and guess what?! "Worn".  Now this blew my mind for two reasons....1. God is bigger than my imagination can comprehend and 2. I finally heard something in the song that I had heard before but was always frustrated by, but yesterday it gave me hope.  The chorus has a line that says, "...all that's dead inside can be reborn..." and it changes in the end to "all that's dead inside WILL be reborn".  It WILL be, it is a guarantee with God.  A guarantee....I am holding on to that promise. So, hear is the song for you.  It is a very honest representation of where Matt and I are right now, but it WILL be reborn.”

            That brings us to the beginning of our ‘rebirth’.  In the end June we received  a call from a social worker that was working with a birth mom who was to give birth to a baby with possible severe special needs on July 8^th and because the birth date was so close we needed to make a decision very quickly.  After a lot of research and as much prayer as you can cram into 24 hours, we said no.  Then the very next day I received a call from our social worker who said she had a birth mom who was interested in meeting us and another couple on July 8^th.  We waited for this meeting with anxious hearts.  The church prayed for us and the other couple. 

          Well, when we got there our social worker spoke with us before we met with the mother and told us the other family had emailed her and said they were not ready to adopt right now. Then we were taken back and introduced to the birthmother and she asked us questions and we talked about ourselves....well mostly I talked about us.  We talked, cried and laughed with one another for about an hour.  She told us how she would like Mandy, to go to the remaining Doctors appoinments with her, to be in the delivery room with her and be the first one to hold the baby.  We told her that we have had a name picked out.  She asked what it was, we told her and she started to cry.  The middle name we had picked is her middle name, her mother's middle name and her adult daughter's middle name.  God is truly amazing. We talked some more and then at the end of the meeting she turned to us and asked if we would like to adopt her baby girl.

          Then, on August 7^th we received a call that the birth mom had gone into labor.  We quickly got ourselves around and headed to the hospital.  And at 7:27pm we welcomed our 7lb 2oz baby girl into the world.

          Our adoption journey followed a longer path then we thought that it would and at times we did question the direction in which God was leading us.  But we don’t have those questions anymore.  We don’t have those questions for two reasons.  The first is because we truly believe God wanted us to be at LifePoint among this church family for the conclusion of this journey.  We did not know how much our lives could affect others.  We were reminded of the importance to stay faithful to God when reading the devotional “My Utmost for His Highest”.  On Monday the passage was talking about becoming God’s bread and wine for others and it ended the passage with this sentence, “Stay right with God and let Him do as He likes, and you will find that He is producing the kind of bread and wine that will benefit His other children.”  We never understood this until after Stella and so many of you have expressed what God has revealed to you through our story.  Finally, when we look at Stella those questions about the wait are answered.  We waited for a baby girl that has her mother’s dark hair and button nose, my eye’s and feet.  How God did this we will never know, but we know He had us waiting for ‘our’ daughter.

Thank you.....

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel toward everyone who has prayed for this along with us.  I never realized how many people were keeping up with our story.  I am overwhelmed and humbled by the love that has been shown.  Thank you for your prayers, even those we did not know before now, thank you!  Our God is a powerful, faithful God, who answers our prayers. 
We will continue to blog about our lives and this continued journey toward our baby Stella.  Thanks again and God bless!

God's Timing....

It is hard to know where to begin today....first, I must apologize if this gets "rambly" or incoherent...I am working on very little sleep.(I was just too excited to sleep)  Secondly, as many of you know we had a meeting with a birthmother last night.  We original thought she would be meeting with us and one other family.  This was truly hard for me because this meant that one of us was going to be extremely disappointed.  I had been praying yesterday something would happen and they would back out, doubting that it could happen, but still praying none the less.  Well, when we got there our social worker spoke with us before we met with the mother and told us the other family had emailed her and said they were not ready to adopt right now.  Wow!  I should know by now that God hears and answers the desires of our hearts.
Then we were taken back and introduced to the birthmother and she asked us questions and we talked about ourselves....well mostly Matt talked about us.=)(it is specialty, talking that is)  We talked, cried and laughed with one another for about an hour.  She told us how she would like me, to go to the remaining Doctors appts with her, to be in the delivery room with her and be the first one to hold the baby.  We told her that we have had a  name picked out.  She asked what it was, we told her and she started to cry.  The middle name we had picked is her middle name, her mother's middle name and her adult daughter's middle name.  God is truly amazing. We talked some more and then at the end of the meeting she turned to us and asked if we would like to adopt her baby girl.
I am amazed at God and the gift that He has given us.  Matt and I expected to be given a newborn at the hospital a few days after it was born.  We never expected to be able to have the whole experience. But God knew how much we needed to have the "whole" experience and He knew the perfect woman who would and could give us that.
Matt and I are still a little shell shocked and still not really  living in reality yet.  I am sure that all the events of this week will slowly sink in, as we prepare to bring Stella Ann home with us.  I do know for certain that I am one grateful women for the way that God provides, for a woman who is willing to give us our family, and for answered prayers.  We are truly blessed!
In closing, I again want to share the verse that God gave us at the beginning of this long journey:

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

AMEN!

Interesting week....

Matt and I had an interesting adoption journey last week.  First off, Tuesday night we were having dinner with a work colleague of Matt's in Marian.  When we were finishing up our meals and just talking a bit, Matt's and I's phones start going crazy.  When we finished and headed for the car we checked our voicemails.  We had messages from a gal in our small group and her mom.  That all lead back to a social worker who had a birthmother that needed a family.  We calmed our nerves and called the social worker.  After a lengthy conversation with her we find out that the baby girl's Corpus Callosum did not form properly and would we be willing to take a special needs baby.  I told her that we would need to do some research and talking and get back to her.  This was one of the hardest decisions we had to make.  We have waited so long that we had to set aside our strong longing for a child and look at the "big picture".  After doing some research we discovered that most babies born with this have severe handicaps.  With that in mind we talked and prayed about what to do and when the text came from the social worker Wednesday night we told her no.
Feeling pretty blue and without much hope we carried on into Thursday.
On Thursday in the morning, Matt receives a call from our social worker, Allison.  She told Matt that there is a birthmother who is interested in us and would like to meet.  She too, is having a baby girl and is due within the next month or so.  Wow!  We said no to one baby and the very next day God gives us another opportunity, with a healthy baby girl. 
We will be meeting with this mother on July 8th at 4:30.  We are trying to keep our excitement to a minimum though, because the mother is meeting with us and another family.
We have been waiting so long with very little hope to cling to and now this week we were presented with two situations....God is good.  We know that we may not be picked for this baby girl but it has given us a renewed hope.  Please pray with us as we look forward to the 8th.  Pray that whatever the outcome we will be, we will be able to rest in the knowledge that God is in control of this journey and leading us to our baby.

Little God things....

This week has been a series of little messages from God.  First, off in of my devotions this week, when I was having a particularly hard time, The Solo devotional had me read Isaiah 54.  If you don't know it, the first verse of this chapter is;

“Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.

So...what do you say after that.  I just spent the morning having a very candid conversation with God about our journey and how I felt it was going.  I then sit down to do my devotions and pray that God would give me some way of breaking free from the fog I was walking through.  Ask and you shall receive, right?!

Then awhile back I prayed about blogging the song "Worn".  It is a powerful song that I feel really describes where Matt and I are emotionally.  So, I prayed that if I ever heard the song twice on the way to work I would know that I was suppose to blog it.  Bringing us to yesterday morning, I was on the way to work listening to the radio, I usually will flip between three local Christian channels, I don't like commercials.=)  So, I was flipping through them and I stop on WBCL, who was playing "Worn".  They then went to a commercial and I flipped to The Pulse, who you guessed it, was playing "Worn".  Because I found this to be a little overwhelming, I turned off the radio for a little while and sat silent in God's presence.  I decided to turn it back on and The Pulse was on a commercial so I flipped it to WFRN, and guess what?! "Worn".  Now this blew my mind for two reasons....1. God is bigger then my imagination can comprehend and 2. I finally heard something in the song that I had heard before but was always frustrated by, but yesterday it gave me hope.  The chorus has a line that says, "...all that's dead inside can be reborn..." and it changes in the end to "all that's dead inside WILL be reborn".  It WILL be, it is a guarantee with God.  A guarantee....I am holding on to that promise. So, hear is the song for you.  It is a very honest representation of where Matt and I are right now, but it WILL be reborn.

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=0FJC2JNU

Thank you for your continued prayers.  God is showing me daily that He IS still working.

Adoption is like a Half Marathon

It occurred to me the other day on a long run that our adoption process has been like a half marathon.  (I know another epiphany while running, but long runs give you lots of opportunity to think)=) So, here is why.  When you start a half marathon you don't know where the course is going to take you.  Last week when we were running we knew there would be a finish line but we had no idea what would be in between the start and the finish. (and Matt thanks God for that, because he said if had known how hilly it was, he would not have run it) Your goal while in the midst of it is to just keep running.  You will never get to the the finish if you stop. 

 So, here is my grand analogy...when we started this adoption process we knew there would be a start and a finish.  There have been many times in this process that we have considered quitting, often because we are unsure of what God really wants for our lives.  And we are still in the process of wondering. But like that Half, I know there will be a finish line.  Our goal was to have a family...so we carry on and move toward the goal.  But, unlike last weeks half though, this is not the pace that I would choose to get there, which maybe my bigger struggle. But I will save that topic for another post.

To update you on where we are....we are still in the race and unsure if we are close to the finish.  We are in the process of updated our home study once again.  Which means, another round of electronic fingerprints and background checks.  So, as you think of us in the future pray that we have a clear direction of where God is taking us and that we will have the strength to finish this race.